Inspiration and motivation, where do they come from?

The past year and a half have been incredibly difficult mentally and emotionally. A number of factors combined together led me to a place of desperate anxiety and forced me to confront my several decade long battle with depression. Luckily, I was able to seek help and have my anxiety under control now. However, this has come at a cost when it comes to my motivation and drive to communicate creatively. I learned that the current medication that I am taking for my anxiety has a side effect that effectively stifles or mutes my creative drive. Many people, especially those who are wired creatively, experience this when taking this medication. It helped me to hear from someone I am close to, that he is also experiencing that same sensation, specifically when out in nature.

This past year has led me to examine and question, where do my inspiration and motivation for taking pictures come from? Through my journey of taking photos over the years, I have learned that my inspiration is fueled from my battle with depression. I seek those places in nature that strike something inside, touch a place that is deep and lonely…isolated. These feelings of strong emotion are always present and I have found that photography allows me to attempt to outwardly express those feelings in a visual way. I look for scenes that will evoke those feelings I have inside and then try to capture that feeling within an image. This has been the case for years now, until this past year.

Currently, I am able to enjoy life and have strong interests that excite me. But as the depression is stifled, so too is my creative drive. I find that my emotional state is more even keeled rather than large swings from high to low. I still enjoy being in nature, but I experience it differently than I did before. Those strong emotions that conjure up a creative drive to communicate inner feelings just aren’t there in the same way. However, there have been glimpses of those old feelings over the past year. One such trip was last September, during Labor Day weekend with my father-in-law.

Brilliant red vine maple frame a small lake on the way to our camp. Sony 28mm f2

The goal was to camp at Marion Lake in the Oregon Cascades and with a little luck, attempt to photograph the Milky Way as it rose behind the mountains. It was a pleasant surprise to see such beautiful fall color! That is always my favorite time of year to photograph nature because of the stark contrasts of color. The season is so fleeting, producing a brilliant display before quickly fading away until the following year.

Fiery red vine maple against a sea of green. Sony 28mm f2

Closer details photographed with the Sony 28mm f2

As we made our way along the trail, scenes such as the image above would appear around the corner. I really enjoyed this particular area as the cool grey tones of the rocks combined nicely with the rich reds and greens of the vine maples. I didn’t initially stop here to photograph the area, but after setting up our camp, I made sure to run back down the trail to capture these scenes since the light was perfectly even. Apart from aspen trees, the vine maple always stand out as a favorite subject to photograph each fall. During this trip, the unexpected surprise of early fall color was fantastic and brought me great joy. For those moments, I felt the inspiration to convey my feelings through these images. Though I don’t currently experience that very often, it’s good to know that it is still possible.

As we neared Marion Lake, a thick layer of haze made the visibility of nearby Three Fingered Jack a struggle to make out. With the goal of photographing the Milky Way in mind, this layer of smoke caused by wildfires was going to make that objective nearly impossible if things didn’t change by nightfall. We lucked out and scored an incredible camp spot, only a few paces away from the water’s edge. To our surprise as twilight commenced, the layer of smoke vanished completely! Pair that with a perfectly still Marion Lake and we were in business! By the time the last light had faded over the horizon, our eyes were well adjusted to the night sky. It always amazes me how many stars you can see with the naked eye when you are in a truly dark place. We pulled out our cameras and tripods and found our spots along the shoreline, ready to capture the Milky Way core as it reflected in the lake below. I was thrilled with how calm the water was since earlier in the day there had been a steady breeze making its way across the water. These two images of the Milky Way are some of my favorites, because I remember the exact feeling of being there in the moment, with my father-in-law. The images capture that feeling I had and take me back immediately every time I look at them.

Over the past two years, shooting the night sky has become one of my favorite subjects. I don’t do it very often because of all of the factors that must line up. You need clear skies, the moon to be in a phase that won’t emit light, and to be somewhere truly dark at the right time of night. This particular evening had all of those elements making for a fun night of shooting. After we were done, our tents were only a 30 second walk away which was a bonus!

Part of writing this blog post is to communicate my experience with mental health struggles and how that affects the way my brain functions in regards to my creativity and motivation to create art. The reality is that many people struggle with their mental health, but the topic isn’t talked about and feels uncomfortable to bring up. To struggle with mental health is to be human and talking about it will only help us to connect to one another and realize that we aren’t as alone as we feel inside.